Monday, July 31, 2006

Work In Progress Update

  • Tangled strands of floss - numerous
  • Times stitching ripped out and tried again - too often
  • Amount of times lace has ripped from edge of handkerchief from strain of being pulled taut in embroidery hoops that are supposed to be keeping the work taut without you pulling on it - once
  • Amount of times color of floss has been deemed utterly and completely unacceptable - 3
  • Amount of times the recognition of the extra work involved in changing unacceptable floss has lead to new appreciation for previously unpalatable floss - 3
  • Times needle has pricked sensitive skin on thumb or forefinger - 4
  • Times unladylike exclamations were made about needle's character and ancestry - 4

Summation of work-in-progress? Difficult at best, rating an "orange" on the "Work-in-Progress Frustration Scale". Stay tuned for further updates . . .

Friday, July 28, 2006

Needlework Frustration

Look at that cheerful, composed and confident countenance! This is a woman who knows her needlework. She isn't the least bit concerned about learning a new stitch or trying a new pattern. She is sublimely confident that no handwork is beyond her scope of experience or effort. While I endeavor to feel like this woman while attempting to work on some current project, it happens more than I'd like to admit that I end up frustrated and feeling incompetent.

I have friends who are able to begin a project at a moment's notice. I'm unfortunately not one of them. I like to take a bit of time and think about planning a project. Then I like to think a bit more about it. After I've had time to really consider a project, then I start to think about what I might ever, in the whole wide world, need for the project. Once I've determined what my project needs and compiled a list (often in my head instead of on the more logical piece of paper, where, of course, I forget essential items every single time), I will then spend some time thinking "I really need to get started on this." I realize that in the real world this is called "procrastination", but I like to think of it as being carefully and completely prepared.

I spent large chunks of today getting a project ready to work on. I took lovely old, lace trimmed linen handkerchiefs and dyed them with coffee to get just the right color of creamy ivory. I lovingly washed, dried and pressed them. Given that I rarely view anything to do with housework, and especially laundry, with anything remotely approaching "love", I think it's safe to assume that I felt very tenderly toward these embryonic projects masquerading as simple handkerchiefs. Getting that lovely creamy ivory shade right though was the last thing that went right today with this project. I won't go into the sordid details, I will just leave you with this sentiment: Don't feel too tenderly toward handkerchiefs that you are attempting to use as part of a larger project. The bitterness of their betrayal will haunt you forever.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Menstrual Marketing Madness

Have you ever watched a commercial on television or seen an ad in print and wondered aloud to yourself why any company in their right mind would have paid good money for it? I realize companies paying money for insipid, insulting or just plain stupid ads isn’t an incredible revelation to anyone, but sometimes there appears an ad or a marketing campaign that just begs to be noticed for it’s sublime ridiculousness. I recently discovered such a marketing gem.

The other day I had occasion to utilize that marvel of modern female life, the sanitary napkin. As I am a woman of a “certain age”, this wasn’t the first time I’ve used such conveniences, nor will it be the last. However, this time was a bit different. I happened to glance down at the little piece of paper covering the “wings” of the pad and noticed some lovely script writing. At first, I assumed it was just a fanciful rendering of the company name. But lo, I was mistaken! Instead of the company logo or name, there was a sentiment expressed. You know, kind of like those foil wrapped chocolates with little sayings inside the foil? Tired statements that have lost whatever truth they might have contained due to overuse or just plain cheesiness. This however was different. No such warmed over nonsense for this company. Written in elegant and flowing script were the words: “Have a happy period.” Well now, isn’t that nice? I’m nearly certain my entire period would have been dismal and without hope but for this charming sentiment. Who knew it was this easy to make women happy?