Community Service Bulletin

Heed my warning.

If you have elementary aged children, flee while you can.

No one is safe.

Still around? More the fool you.

Now the terror will most certainly spread.

It is with great sadness that I acknowledge our part in spreading this epidemic, for Webkinz has invaded our home.

No, I must be completely honest with you all. We were not "invaded". In a moment of weakness, swayed by the beseeching eyes of a 10 year old, I actually invited Webkinz in.

Looks innocent enough, doesn't it? Just another insipid stuffed animal? That's what I thought. A harmless diversion.

Well, looks are undeniably deceiving in this instance.

Trust me.

Please. Do your utmost to avoid the glassy eyed stare of these instruments of chaos posing as harmless, if odd looking, stuffed animals.

Just in case it's too late or in the interest of assisting those around you, here are some signs of infection:

• Increasingly impassioned and desperate cries from the elementary set for access to the computer to care for their "pet".
• Increased tension in the house from battles over whether or not "I need to finish this game before I feed our real dog/cat/fish to earn money in order to feed/house/clothe my virtual pet" is a valid reason for not doing said chore.
• Increased tension in the house due to computer withdrawal. This affects all ages in the house.
• Increased guest traffic in the house as every child in the neighborhood needs to view the virtual pet and offer suggestions for its keeping.
• Headaches caused by all those damn children in the house.
• Tears. Again, this symptom has no respect for age. Everyone is susceptible.

Heaven help us all.